"Fruitful is that moment, and fruitful is that time, when one is in love with the True Lord." (Guru Granth Sahib)
As a Dominican African American child I felt and knew I was very different from my family. My parents saw this also. I saw the world with such a different view. I also felt a great presence, a strong, powerful intensity of spiritual pressure around me. At such a young age I felt so safe, I was never spiritually alone. My family told me that they always heard me talking to myself but to me I was not doing that. I was talking to the spirit of all life. I never knew his name and he never told me, his divine grace filled my heart and soul as I grew.
My parents are christian non-denominational, and were catholic at one point.
I went to church, bible study, faith schools (both catholic and non denominational Christian) and lived my life as a leader of faith. But the faith in which I was a leader was not of the faith in which I was brought up originally. I was a leader of my God who's name I knew not. A voice was always in my mind telling me to respect all religions and all monotheistic faiths that serve the one true God, The voice also said "You will find your path when you are truly ready, when that day comes you will truly know my name."
I remember going to church and always being prayed over, but I never understood why every Sunday I was sent up to the altar to have the preacher pray over me. They used to look at me and tell my parents that I have a very old soul and old eyes. To tell you the truth I always found it hard to believe, but I always found that older people would say the same thing to me.
I never had friends my age nor was I interested in playing with my brothers, sisters or cousins. I was more interested in being by myself or with the older generation. I enjoyed being with like-minded individuals that gave me knowledge that fed my soul.
At age 14 my grandmother, who was my best friend, passed away. I remember laying upstairs in her home and felt her soul go through me telling me to be calm and to know that she loves me. A few minutes after that happened I heard all my family screaming and crying because my grandmother had passed over. My mother called us down for us to give our goodbyes. So many tears were shed but I never shed a tear. I walked up to my grandmother's body and put my hand on her forehead, I smiled and looked at my family and said "why cry? I'm happy she is not in pain nor here to watch us watch her in pain." Now that did not go well with everyone. My family took that as If did not care but I just looked at life differently and I knew at that moment that I was physically alone and different.
I went through life searching for the love my grandmother gave me. I had dead end relationships, a dead end marriage and still did not feel that love. I could not figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I like this? I was so consumed by trying to find that love that I ended up losing myself and the voice I once heard faded away. God never left me but I left him and when you leave him the voice tends to fade away into the distance.
"Suffering and sorrow do not touch those who have the Support of the Name." (Guru Granth Sahib)
Life was now empty to me. I disappeared and distanced myself from everyone.
One day I finally saw my mother and she gave me a book to read. It was called the The Celestine Prophecy, a 1993 novel by James Redfield that discusses various psychological and spiritual ideas rooted in multiple ancient Eastern traditions and New Age spirituality. I read that book and I tell you, it changed my view of the world. It brought back that part of me that I locked up. I started praying again but still did not hear God's voice. At that time I started calling myself a spiritualist reflecting on all life.
"Grasping him by the arm, the Guru lifts them up and out, and carries them across to the other side." (Guru Granth Sahib)
11 years passed and still I did not hear his voice, but I felt him by me, keeping me from harm and helping me in my path to the journey he had planed for me. I started thinking of all the close calls, all the hard times that I've gotten through and all the craziness throughout my life that has happened. I knew that he never left my side. As time went by I realized that I always bounced right back up.
Every time something bad happens, something good happens after. I had to learn. I had to become stronger for what was to come and to realize that God has always held my hand through it all.
"Embellished and immaculate is that place where the Saints gather together." (Guru Granth Sahib.)
It was October of 2015 and I was at work and saw a doctor wearing a turban. I remember asking my coworker about it and she told me that he is a Sikh. Now, I've seen people with turbans even as a child but never asked about it. I even remember seeing kids with a joora (topknot.) So I took it upon myself to look it up on the internet and read about it. As I sat at my desk reading about Sikhism I felt a warm heavy hand on my left shoulder. I turn and no one was there but I could still feel the heat on my left shoulder. It consumed my soul and as I kept reading it felt as if my soul was awakening up from a long slumber. It was like my soul was waiting for me to see the truth of who I was in my past life. I knew at that moment that the preachers, my family, friends and grandmother were right about my old soul and old eyes. I was a leader, a teacher, a Sardar, a warrior. At that moment I knew I was a Sikh in my past life and in this life as well. I still did not hear his name yet nor hear him talk to me. As I studied, I started changing. From my first kurta to my first turban, I felt as each day passed I was becoming who I was always meant to be.
In February 2016, I went to my first Gurdwara and, I tell you, I was so nervous. I walked in and gave my offering and sat down, I was still nervous and became scared with self-doubt. I was just about to jump up and leave, but as soon as I finally made up my mind to run away, the most beautiful sound filled the Gurdwara. I froze and felt that warm heavy hand on both my left and right shoulders. This time I did not even turn my head. I felt a warm breath on my left ear and finally heard his voice, I heard him say " I am your Guru. Your path ends here and your journey starts now." Tears started falling down my cheeks. My heart flung open. I was not scared nor nervous anymore.
Guru is his name and he is God over all kings. My life started that day. I was finally awakened again to live my life right in this lifetime.
Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji ki Fateh!
- Salvatore Ivan Sintaé Singh